so you can delete private messages from other peoples mailboxes in myspace now? the the fuck did this shite start? i mean seriously...it was there one moment and the next it was gone and i didn't delete it. wtf no seriously wtf? what's next going into people's yahoo boxes and deleteing you messages or better yet going into other peoples hard drives and erasing all the personal data you want? who thought this was a good fucking idea?

if you can't tell i am having a very very off day. not the least of which was helped by a certain person in high places who shall remain nameless. i was so cool with letting this person off the hook for her one outburst after i called her for an overide because my most imedate manager was on the register with two customers. oh so sorry i called you to do your fucking JOB. but no no today she just steped over that line to inform me that when processing a credit card and it asks for the phone number it's for demographicing our customers. -record screech- ..........................5......4.....3....2......1. so you mean to tell me this whole ....time...that i've been making people's days by telling them it was for returns...which was in the friggin training video....that suddenly from day one i have been laying to people......5....4.....3....2.....1...... WHAT THE FUCKKKKK?

it's one thing to train me to say something it's another to get me to say something dishonest and it wasn't even so much that but how she said it adding "just fyi." at the end.

ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh just fyi...you're a bitch and nobody likes you here,you don't seem to enjoy your work very much and unless you on a power high i don't get why you drag you fat ass to work everyday just to ruin everyones day. i mean you pick on rachel so much when she doesn't hardly do anything bad,like me she is trying to follow the fucking rules that each fucking manager especialy you tend to change to suit your needs. you tell us one thing then completely fucking contradict yoruself upon yelling at us when you...especialy in the cold,don't provide us with proper pervisions to do our job with. your lucky that OSHA doesn't give a fuck about texas or i'd call them about that little stunt sending me out ot do carts in the rain without a raincoat. i could have friggin died you hag.

today i was so just off i was messing up numbers left and right and i was so glade to be out of there today. i just feel less and less like i need to be there and i dread going to work everyday. granted this can't be helped until i get my degree and lowe's will have to be where i work till i get that done. it's my pennace for not being wise the first time and gettign my degree before having a child who would be dependant on me with a woman who is so god awfuly terrible i just want to punch her everytime i see her and i am not a violent man.

i'm just sick of it...absolutley sick of it. sick of being lucky to get a break,sick of the rule changing,sick of the games and sick of contemplating weather to just call in sick and play hooky. i need more then a fucking day off at this point i'm just so tired all the damn time and so sore doing basic work for god sakes.

and all at once that's when it all hit me. why i can't feel that deep down love for another human being. my hearts smarter then my brain...it shut down so i'd focus on th bigger picture,school. i get that done i get my life in order and i can then be ready to take up a wife for my boy. this won't be easy and i'll have to push myself to the limits but it's what i need to do for me...for my sanity. cause i'm not joking when i say if i am at lowes or retail i'm going to lose it. i can't do this anymore not now not 5 years ago.

and so it is. all my attention is on driving tests and school. nothing more nothing less. well and the book i want to do the book no matter how good or bad toast is i want to do one book to continue it all and end most of it so i can take the series to new heights i know it can go to.

so yeah i'm pissed off,tired and just plain off but it's with purpose that i be so i won't lose sight of the objectives here and i won't waste this last chance to get myself together like never before and get to a place where money is of little concern,and my son and i are happy and i don't have to sleep my days off away. this is no life to live...understand that my younge friends this is no life to lead.


- don't waste college
- don't pop out babies especaily if he/she can't hold down a job or even spell the word job
- don't think you know everything and would be fine working retail the rest of your life
damn it your worth more then that.
- don't be like me,pay your dues now so that life will be downhill from there.don't put the i in quit.

life is hard and full of work but it doesn't mean it's full of hardship and strife unless you want it to be. i can make all the excuses in the world but i got me here with no help for anyone...i let the world get me down. so i picked a woman who i knew would beat me down like i felt i deserved but fuck no did i deserve what that woman put me through. through her i poped out a kid..a glorious angel of a kid but a kid who deserves better then a broken home with a bitter mother. i've bounced around from job to job always feeling like i've finaly found where i fit only to find heartbreak and ruin...my savings account used to be so big i could see that retirement at 60 maybe 65 but i made some bad terribly poor choices and now my bank accounts so low i almost owe the bank money.

i've lost so much time and wasted so many chances just to get to barely scraping by. you don't want to end up like me you don't want to be looking at turning 30 or 31 and be looking at having to restart your 4 year degree all over again while working. you don't want to have no choices.

if you take one thing from me it should be this. study...stay in school..change a major if you have to but study and study hard. then the world will truely be your oyster and you can write your own checks in life like it should be. i love you all it's why i strive to share my hardships with you so you can see my life is shit but to also understand it is my own fault. jumping off a cliff is stupid but jumping off a cliff knowning you have no rope to hold you and knowing the fall will kill you is even more stupid. i've dove off that cliff knowing what lay at the bottom...i've been the stupidest man on earth,it's time i stop sugar coating it,sure i'll pick myself up from this but you don't want that kind of pain. you don't want to know my life...it's because i love you all so much that i want to see you all do better then i ever have. you have the power...so what will you do with it?

short jounral this time i pormice. there are huge rumors going around now in the inner circles that mel gibson might actualy reprise his role for mad max 4...let me repeat that because it bears repeating..thought he once said he was too old to play mad max anymore (yet he is an action cop in his newest role go figure.) he has made crytpic referances to his commitment to the title role in mad max fury road.

for those not in the know a 4th mad max movie is underway and should start shooting next summer if all goes well. it will be accompanied by a mad max animated movie said to be either cgi or anime (i vote for a lil of both could make for an awesome anime in the style of akira or alita battle angle,they did ripb mad max off after all but i digress.) and a video game written by george miller himself meaning it's not some younge knob job writting the game who never watched the movie till he was about to write the script and has no respect for the material. it was going to be a sequal..where by max would meet up with auntie entity (played again by tina turner!),the feral kid now a man from the road warrior/mad max 2 and even talks of jim goose making an appearance!

but most of the talk goes back and fourth between prequel...which could be good since again miller was part of the first movie and has written the script for this one,or a sequal. last i ever heard of from mel before he quit the gig was that this movie had a great idea and needed to be told. so we'll see what if anything comes of it.

lastly i was playing marvel super hero squad..because i'm like 10 years old lol. but bad voice acting aside it's kinda interesting to play this game because it uses those posed figureines that are an american style super defored type and turns them into living beings in a super deforemed universe. well what caught my eye and made me laugh to myself was that parts of this game are butto nsequence based for most of the big boss fights with like sentinals and shit....button sequence based like god of war. then it hit me what if they made a set of those super deforemd figures only in god of war lmao. can you imagine...something that looks cute and cuddy like it stepped out of a disney movie,suddenly everserating cute looking roman soilders and cute undead soilders. so i'm kinda looking at gathering refs of the style in which they do these figures and seeing what series characters i want to do because it make me laugh so hard to see cute things basicly disembaling eachother.

besides i've always wanted to see what the cobra b.a.t.s. would look like in that form since they did the [link] but no android troopers.the the hell is that shite about? anyways could be fun style to learn and observe from so if i get any done you'll see it up here. take care all.

well obama says he'll start to pull troops out in 2011...didn't he say he'd do it in 2010 at the latest. by then most of his presidentcy is over and well it's like i told you expect 4 more years of this crap. cause he says he'll do it but under certian conditions.

ever notice how people keep on saying "but if we broadcast a deadline it gives aid and comfort to our enemies." without thinking that to be truely honest giving a date is no different then not giving a date. if they are going to resurface and retake the country undoing everything we've "done" then what does a date even matter. the moment we move out...and i can gaurantee you we will move out,they will attack regaurdless of a date because we are no longer there to play bigger brother to all the bullies who lay and wait for us to leave. the logic for their argument is beyond ludicris because in the end there is nothing we can do. we are going to try on last major offensive or two in afghanistan and try to help the people help themselves. if they do not by the time we leave then there never really was any hope and i've been right all along.

but if by some chance...and yes i am giving them that chance,that they all do stand up as we stand down and take control of their own contry and their own lives and destinies then they will have proven my fading idea that humanity as a whole can evolve into better people or at least bigger people.

but that's not really what this blog is about so much just a woundering. i've noticed i've been more into the ports of console games on the psp then the dsi. (well yeah aaron it's cause you got access to thier entire library duuuuh.) but nope it's not that. it's simply that,for all my 2d roots,playing a 3d game in 2d as the dsi tends to do in a lot more cases then not isn't quiet as fun or exciting to me in a hand held. which is odd to me in a way because i live for 2d. i play old arcade and console games, i even play adaptations of console games in 2d formate namely halo 2d and half life 2d which are easily the best adaptations of the those games as you can find.

yet despite the handicap of control in somecases i am really finding a lot more to like when it comes to those ports in sony then i do in dsi. but dsi has some series you just won't find anywhere else so really it's a toss up to what your currently craving. for more relaxing fun and brain teasers,not to mention party games you really can't beat the dsi. but for the more serious games i'm finding i like it better on the psp then i do the dsi and in many cases it's simply a matter of 3d vs 2d.

take for example starwars rupublic heros...an okay game i got bored with it easily. but it was decent on the dsi it was alot more fun on the psp because i could go more places and do more things it felt less restrictive. another example would be the ghostbusters game. you get 3d driving of the ecto1 on the dsi but only top down 2d view in which to catch ghosts on foot...how does that even make sense? where as all aspects of the ghostbusters on the psp are in 3d and gives you more of that ghost rangling feel to it.

i've noticed that no matter where you go retail upper management shares on quality,lack of consistancy. they'll yell at one person for one infraction of a rule while they ignore someone else doing the exact same thing. they each pick and choose the which rules to enforce and when and suddenly you are perfectly i nthe right with one boss and completely doing it wrong with the other one. and people wounder why i am going back to school to eventualy leave lowe's after less then 90 days.

i've noticed the fucking power button on the psp rests against your palm so if you get to into the game you liable to turn it off...before you've saved. nice sony but how come this wasn't such a big problem before. hmmm odd.

thanks to this song i hear a lot at work i've noticed a lot of things ryhme with you. since the chorus consists of the words "lovin' you..." and then tries to add things like "fly me to the moon."
so my brain being my brain it loops over and over in my head till things like this shit comes out...

"loving you...it's just like sniffing glue"
"loving you...it makes me want to spew."
"loving you...is that hearpies ,ew ,ew ,ew."

but then when i add in the ryhmes in my head to the rest of the chorus it goes from "loving you...fly me to the moon." to...

"loving you...i swear it's not just about poon."
"loving you...i swear i'm not a loon."
"loving you...i'd rather kiss a baboon."

and so on. i hate it cause for whatever reason that one songs chorus loops is stuck in my head and it's not even that good of a song..i can't figure out if he is singing to the woman or she is reading his letter to her and hearing this voice in her head..singing the letter no doubt. cause some of the lines are "..please don't let anyone see this much." or "don't let anyone read these lines." and so on and it's like "hey asshole your singing the song i can guess everyone knows you love this woman in ways the ryhme very badly."

anyways those are a few of the things i've noticed as of lately. i am enjoying my psp in a whole new way and finding titles that really challenge the notition that this is such a failure and a disgrace to sony and no one should ever make a handheld but nintendo. bullshit.

just like nintendo shouldn't be the only console makers despite the fanboy whailings to that tune. nintendo brings something very unique to the table,but for an open minded player so too does sony and microsoft. all they systems have problems and bad designs and i wouldn't even have to try to prove that either. but sony and microsoft do what nintendo can't do all that well or won't do which is more mature rated titles...yes i know of the games that are on the wii that are damn near ao in rating but those are few and far between,and they aren't selling well despite good reviews.

but they don't go daring enough. you won't see a true grand theft auto on wii nore killzone nore halo. despite what people think of those titles bay in large they are great for the things they do well. they play and look brilliant and i have fun with then when i need a break from nintendo. you take out the other companies and you'd lose competition for one thing and then what. the wii only really exists because nintendo desimated in the last console war despite having a decent lil' system. they had to go out of their way to engineer something so crazy and "revolutionary" (you know why i won't say wii is the end all be all of gaming thus the " marks over revolutionary.) to really get noticed in the market. without sony or microsoft around to push their own envelpoes and take money from nintendo gaming wouldn't be what it is today a smorgesboard of games to entertain and delight people of all different tastes.

which brings me to my last point of the day. i've noticed that people who were so hurt and crushed by game labeling,do it themselves and don't see anything wrong with becoming that which they hate.

i hate that even waste a moment of time thinking about this but from time to time i think of my epic battle with tvskyle....great artist,phenominal designer,totaly bad attitude towards gaming and anyone who is in optosition to him and his views. he made this great meme about mario and it asked "why do you like mario?" and simply put "cause it's not halo." and i,being an all around gamer had to ask why he'd even bother putting that,cause if you take it as it is,then he didn't actualy answer the question as it was asked and there fore only presented an arguement for mario based solely off a competitors product and not by it's merrits.

the more most of da probbed him,atleast those who were not good friends and kiss asses to kyle,the more we found out he called halo a frat boys game,thus labeling it and showing a deep rooted bias against something else rather then simply saying "it's not my type of game." oh journals were launched and the more i tried to just try to get him to move on because this was about the time halo 3 came out and the fame and fan faire of halo had dimmed a lot...the more resistant he became to the idea that just because someone pisses in your cherios it doesn't mean you have to let them. he enjoys nintendo and there is nothing in the world wrong with that..but it's when he wants to piss in others cherioes for something that happened to him years ago that it crosses the line into being just absurd. he banned me and i banned him back along with a lot of his lackies who came to my site to attack me on his behalf.

funny what you think about years on. well i'm watching the world go by and growing up more. i am sure someday i'll grow out of the rant and just not care like i should. the outside world has grown so ludicris but i feel like once the war is over with eventualy things might even out and become good again like they were in the old days. i miss the 80's and the 90's more and more lately. but eventualy this mouth and these fingers will fall silent. not because i was silenced but because i'll rise above it all to be an observer. not feeling one way or the other but merely there to watch the fates of man. i almost embrace that day but i have a feeling it will take alot of doing on my part and a lot more growing up.

now if you'll excuse me i have some halo to play. good day everyone.

[link]

i know i should be be more mad that he is starting to tow the "until the job is done." line (what exactly is our job there anymore for fuck sakes i am sick of hearing about this job with no discription.) but that's not what caught my eye oh no. and sadly it was only in our newspaper yesterday so i can't bring it up on here. damn i can't even bring it up on their website.

but what really got me was that in the article talking about obama vowing to send more troops to finish the job it mentioned that his decition was based more on the fact that in 2001 bin laden had escaped to afghanistan and more troops would have stopped him but due to the failings of the acting general as well as donald rumsfeild,bin laden escaped.

so because of that moment in history we should send more troops? now i'm all for bashing rumsfeild normaly but how does will sending more troops NOW change the events of THEN. maybe i missread the article 3 times but this doesn't sound like sound thinking to me as it doesn't sound like we have bin laden cornered again in which case sending more troops to finaly capture him would make more sense but since no one has heard from him in months outside of maybe some videos and audio recordings siting that 2001 "blunder" as part of your decition making,makes no sense.

it would be like saying "i vow to send more troops to afganistan because 6 million jews died in world war two and had we sent more troops in sooner it would have been a lot less of a causualty." or more absurd yet. "because thousands of people died during the tragedy of the titianic we are sending more troops to afganistan." i mean seriously?

to believe,i guess, in this job we have to finish and the reasoning behinde bringing up the bin laden "blunder" i'd have to believe that stopping terrorisum was our true goal for this war from the start. in which case i'd have to believe that saddam hesien a. was ever a threat to america and b. that he had ties to terroisum of which there has been no conclusive proof of this and has infact, after his death,been proven that he never had ties to terrosium. was he a bad man yes...but that's why he held onto the country for so long he was the only one crazy enough to keep things in as much balance as possible and we just pulled him out and killed him. lovely aren't we?

you can blame rumsfield all you want but to be honest i never really seen us all the commited to finding bin laden and ending this "job" we are suppossedly doing. you know it's not a job if you can't quit it and i had such high hopes obama would just quit this job that was handed to him cause after 8 years of this shit we have gotten no where other then slightly,kinda liberating the country.

because let's face it. unless the people in unison rise up against extremest,when we pull out someone new will just take over and the country will go back to the way it's been for thousands of years. (flame me all you want but your own history doesn't lie.) these people as a whole need to change and or needs to realize that religon can be a great thing for uplifting people and enriching a persons life,but it's not something to kill over. if you get joy form your god then why can't they get joy from theirs? for god sakes why do you care if your religion says that what someone else across the street does is a sin by your god...some of what you do is a sin to their god but do they come into your house and shoot you? i'm not saying it's right but it is thier choice as humans...you know the thing you and everyone else on the planet shares. it's not worth shooting over hell it's not worth shouting over but i digress and i've already had to say good things about religion -goes and scrubs his toungue with an sos pad.-

my point is if your going to stay the course then stay the course,don't bullshit us about pull out dates,don't give us false hope progress reports,don't treat us like ignorant childern who can't see what's really going on. if any of what we were doing in this "job" was working the war would be over with by now. course again this would mean i believe the bull about countering world terrorisum by occuping the wrong state. i had still have faith in other areas with obama but my faith in him and this war is pretty much gone. when you start qouteing history for your reasoning for doing things now then you've just run out of ideas for why it is you are doing what you are doing,either go full on or don't go at all. but i say buckle down and be ready for 4 more years of this war atleast cause i don't see obama growing a pair of balls big enough to just pull us out in a timely order and bring our suffering men and women home to their families. my heart goes out to them even more now cause i've read the suicide rates and devoice rates for our troops and this war.

and really if the goal is to make american safer and save lives so we don't lose as many americans as did in 9/11 then how come we've 3 times as many americans in this war then in all ov 9/11....way to go washington mission accomplished. -insert eye roll and cue the credits.-

hello all.

not much to say here really i've deecided i won't get to the end of the thing by my means at this point. so i'm half tempted to read a strategy guide beging to end and do things step by step being as careful and non wastefull as possible cause if i only had like maybe 2 health packs on this last level i could likely make it and the end boss from what i've seen is a breeze. but that sounds like too much work and really i did this for a basic purtpose cause i'm fond of reviewing shit.

so hopefully i'll be sitting down on my day off and writting my 3 part review of the thing..no the game isn't that long don't worry but my quirks about the game and the "unnoffical sequal" phenomenom
won't make a lick of sense without you having an idea of the material on which it's based. so i wanted to take you through the movie and the graphic novels before reviewing the game thus the 3 parter. the movies you'll like the comics you may sort of enjoy but you see why i have a problem with the continum of the thing after the rules were set out by the movie and game is just not the thing in so many ways. you'll laugh you'll cry and maybe you'll need a barfbag as well roger and ebert did comment something about how the thing was "a barf bag movie." as it is quiet gore in the days before saw but unlike saw this isn't gore for gores sake. but i'm getting a head of myself.

i figure some of you actualy enjoy my reviews so why not open the floor requested materials. am i looking for good games and movies. hell no who wants to hear me happily review a game and not find anything to joke about? it's boring no you want to see me lossing my mind from trying to follow the logic of where they were going with this. in tern i'll also add in reviews of stuff i want to review cause the bad movies imo are gettign even worse and some you just have to laugh at cause there is no way to take them seriously.

one review i hope to do is new moon. don't read it if your a serious fan or if your wanting to go into it virginaly. from all i have heard it's even more absurd then the orginal though some critic at moviehole would argue that greatly. from what i heard it suffers from terminator 4 syndrome..i.e. taking a finished and polished script and stuffing in reasons for the supporting character to be in the movie more. they did it with christian bales role and the did it with edward and when you do that people notice. i did notice my co-worker jenaee would only give one word answers for the quality of the movie she went to the midnight snowing. you should have heard how giddy she was and i expected her to come back the next day bragging and no it was like she didn't know how to feel about it or something. or like all of us she was tired i don't know. and i don't care but if it's as bad as they say then i have to do a review of it.

other then that things are coming together well on my psp but i relaize i need a way bigger stick if i am going to fit emulators and some iso's on here. but that's not bad what's cool is they have an n64 and a sega saturn emulator and i know people almost universaly hated the saturn but i don't and i don't get why people pan it so badly. i mean it played arcade classics with the graphics of the arcade games just like dreamcast did and had some really great titles like the diehard arcade and panzer dragoon yet it's treated like the red headed step child of sega. but that's just me i kinda like things nobody likes and i am happy because of it. sega saturn had games and i play games not systems so i loved my time with the saturn. but again i'm going off on a rant here. the point is if i can take those games with me anywhere i'd be such a happy guy and to play nitnendo on a sony system even better hehe.

well i am off to work through i really don't want to go i am so tired and i close and i am in so much pain as of late. but least i'm making 39 hours at my pay scale so that should help out a lot with bills and such.