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it may go through a rework but here it is. my gift to da.



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anyways on to business at hand.

top of my list right now is gran torino.

OMG this is a movie that reminds you why you love movies. am i going to review it. fuck no. this is a movie that you need to go into as virginal as possible. it even puts on a new twist on of the old...facvorite character dies kinda of story element that makes it more a triumph then a tradgedy.

it's an amazing piece of film and well worth clints talent in the movie. i was suprised in all the best ways.

and chocoalte. another great one that should not be reviewed. i had heard it was great but this...i was not prepared for. so again i will not review it but take my word for it. if you love a great love story and a "beat of their own drummer." story then this is the one. plus it has johhny depp in one of this best roles imo.

lastly the movie to stay away from like the plague.

body shots (1999) the movie stars seah patrick flanery, jerry o'connell,amada peet,tara reid,ron livingston,emily procter,brad rowe and sybil temechen

but to be honest i'll only speak about jerry o'connell,tara reed,sean patrick and the rebecca roman stamos clone named aptly amanda peet. as their the only characters the movie really focuses on.

billed as "a sexy look at being single in the 90's,body shots hit it dead on." - cosmoplitan.

the fact that cosmopolitan is one of the only listed reivews on this box (another by JANE magazine.) should tell you everything you need to know.

this movie is fucked up..is it a comedy...is it a serious social comentary on dating life in the 90's? well it's sort of both..which is horrible in this case cause it looks like they edited two movies into one. i am not kidding rent it if you don't believe me.

most of the movie starts our light and fluffy and funny. you meet the cast and share in some laughs about what women think of sex and what each of the guys think of sex. in this we get some gratuitious butt shots of jerry o'connel who is a fictioanl football player...yeah i wasn't buying it either but who cares the ladies will love it right?

then in waltzes tara reeds charater driving all erradic then finaly coming a to a stop at amada peets characters house. she has a cut on her forhead and her lip is bleeding she has no equilibruim and falls alot..something must be terribly wrong.

well turns out tara has accused o'connel of raping her. very serious and not funny moment. then in one of the movies many disjointed jumps it changes sense for no reason to earlier in the day and is back to being airy and light and funny often focusing on rons sexual miss adventures. that's right folks the movie actualy goes from rape to being funny in the blink of an eye.

so after spending most of the time focusing on the comedic miss adventures of the guys and gals....it goes back to that night and suddenly it's unfunny again and dark and serious as we see o'connel hauled off to the police station for questioning. o'connel tells his side of the "rape" and makes tara out to be a bit psycho but all over him. that she got the cut from bumping her head on the head board while being on top....oh yeah and you get to see tara compeltey naked though it's only tit shots and ass. so a reason for the guys to see the movie i guess. then o'connel talks about how after the sex he wanted a cheeseburger...he goes to kiss tara reed goodnight and ends up calling her the wrong name to which she throws him out.

then it's back to the comedy yeaaaaaah...it's like a reallly bad homage to don hertzffeld.

then back to the hosipital for some more dark emo seriousness..as tara reed is in the hospital explaining that it was never concentual...that o'connel asked to come in and she let him in. that he fumbled with her bra trying to rip it off bit she said no...and that then she let him take it off cause she "wasn't going to let it go any further." and that he became forcefull and pused her onto the bed and then there is a real nasty scene where he o'connel does her doggy style while she cries no and stop it and that while doing her doggy he knocks her head against the head board. and then he leaves.

then it cuts to the other girls talking about how there is a new wave of a woman wanting to have a rape fantasy but that you can take it too far blah blah blah. then more comedy...then sean patrick calls amanda peet to try to tell her he cares about her and not to let o'connels possible rape get between them.

then more comedy...by now you are asking the movie the make up it's fucking mind..are yo userious or a fucking comedy i don't know weather to laugh or cry or scream it just eeeeh.


but wait then in an m.night shamalamie way things start to change. when asked the next day about his testimoney suddenly o'connel is not so sure what happened . WHAT A TWIST!

then amanda peets chracter starts to talk to tara and ask her about the times she has been a black out drunk and that maybe it didn't happen just as tara recalls it to be...which puts doubts in both tara and peet...WHAT A TWIST!


so then it all pans out to a shot over some city at night with loads of cars on the road and over the radio you hear that o'connels trial (which you never see in the movie.) resulted in a hung jury...which usualy means they call for a retrial but it's never mentioned. meaning IT NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN THE MOVIE AND MAKES THE ENTIRED RAPE SUBPLOT COMPLETEY USELESS. not to mention you never find out who was telling the truth did o'connel rape who the fuck knows the movie doesn't even care.

so then the movie gets you into a seen where amanda peet and sean patrick are getting hot and heavy...and then they stop. and she gets off of him and he plays with the lace on her nightstand.
why??? AGAIN WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW IT'S SO SUDDEN AND YOU DON'T KNOW FULLY WHY IT HAPPENS MAKING THE SCENE COMPLETELY USElESS. and then the movie ends litterly right there. WHAT A TWIST!


i don't think they knew how to end the movie so they just cut out any tied up loose ends of which there are so many. none of the subplots go anywhere, characters just drop off the face of the film as if they were just fillers and worse of all it takes what could have been a funny movie and drops the rape-bomb on you then constantly pulls you out as if it was no big thing.

rape in real life is not funny...rape in cartoons well i'm with george carlin on that one and stand firm by my rape joke comics based on none existiant and often not human chatacters.

it's littelry two movies in one that don't go together and with no resolution to any of the movies main themes you are left to scratch your head and wounder how a movie like this could ever be green lit.

so by all means stay the fuck away from this movie it sucks on so many levels i didn't think a movie could suck on.

well that's my opionon and i'm sticking to it.